So, yeah. How do I even explain how this total crapfest unfolded? Umm, oh, ok! Suns score, Suns score, Suns score, Suns score, Suns score, Kings score, Suns score, Suns score, etc…

The two teams combined for 85 points in the first quarter with the Suns ‘edging’ out the Kings 47-38 after the opening frame. Phoenix actually had three shots at the end to try and get an irritating and laughably absurd 50 points but were unable to hit a shot for once.

Let’s face it, the Kings’ chance to beat the Suns was last night at ARCO. No one wins in Phoenix and certainly not a team on the rebound like the Kings. The news was bad even before the game tipped off as Ron Artest missed the game with personal reasons and Beno Udrih, our Slovenian wunderkind, was sidelined with a thigh contusion. What is a contusion? I hear that word all the time and yet its meaning evades me. Is it a cut? A bruise? Then call it that. Has anyone ever eaten it and gotten up and said to their buddy, “Man, I need to go to the emergency room, I think I might have a contusion”? No.

First of all, let me say that I hope there is nothing serious going on in regards to Artest and I hope everybody’s fine. However, when you’re talking about the fascinatingly crazy Artest, ‘personal reasons’ could be that he was overcome with grief because his freezer broke and his popsicles all melted. If that were really what happened I would smile forever. He isn’t the dangerous kind of crazy, he’s the ‘bring a video camera to the dinner table so we can prove this really happened later’ kind of crazy. I enjoy him very much.

Oh yeah, back to the game. Francisco Garcia got a meaningless career-high of 31 points (25 of which came with the Suns up by approximately 300), but it was still encouraging to see him making shots instead of exclusively running wildly down court before violently crashing to the ground in a heap. The game was exciting for the first 24 minutes, as the undermanned and inappropriately out-gunned Kings kept it within 10 for much of the half.

To say that the fourth quarter was less than fascinating would be a hilarious understatement. How bad was it? Sean Marks scored. When Sean Marks scores, no, when Sean Marks even attends a game it is bad news. When he scored late in the game I couldn’t help but to laugh maniacally while choking back tears.

The Suns are clearly the best team in the NBA right now as far as I’m concerned. I picked them to win it all before the year started and I have absolutely no reason to change that assessment now. When you can score 127 points with your best player (Stoudemire) playing 18 minutes and being a complete non-factor, you’re doing some things.

The Kings have a winnable game against a young, but talented Blazers team on Friday. A record of 5-8 would look a hell of a lot better than 4-9, so hopefully Artest gets a new fridge by then and they can get back on time. I have to go now, I just shaved and I have a cheek contusion.