Sorry, Randy Newman. I know you’ve been nominated for 212 Best Song Oscars for re-writing the same sappy, BS song over and over, but L.A. sucks.

You know what else sucks? The Kings’ play as of late.

The Lakers game was to be expected as the Kings have played like complete balls lately and the hideous truth is that the Lakers are maybe the best team in the league now that they got Pau Gasol for two Capri Sun pouches and a one-year subscription to “Skanks of the Mediterranean” magazine.

Unfortunately, the hatred of those yellow-clad bastards is no longer enough to carry the Kings to victory. Now that Bibby’s gone no one on the team has any friggin’ idea how important the game is to us Sacramentans. Unfortunate, too, is the fact that approximately 60% of the crowd was donning that bile-raising #24, piss-yellow jersey.

Back in the glory days of this rivalry there were always a few ne’er-do-well Lakers fan assholes sitting behind the Laker bench, flashing gang signs and drinking til they couldn’t tell where they were. We just laughed at them as Kings fans. We were real fans. We outnumbered them 17,305-to-12. Not even violent, stupid Lakers fans can overcome those numbers.

Now it’s just sad to see ARCO torn from its glory in favor of the ignorant mass of shit that is L.A.

Wednesday’s game against the Clippers, who happen to be the one thing about L.A. that doesn’t instantly make me feel dirty, was a three-hour waste of time that left me winded and depressed.

Some of the lowlights:

• Both Artest (foot) and Martin (wrist) didn’t play.
• Hawes made a bunch of shots which irritated me because I love to make fun of how lame he is.
• Al Thornton, whom the Kings should have drafted 10th overall and laughed all the way home about it, tore the Kings a second and third butthole.
• Francisco Garcia sustained yet another mysterious injury that he loves to get three times every year.
• Brad Miller cried so many times that I want his wife to take him to the hospital to see if he has Colic.
• Dan Dick-Cow made no fewer than 42 three-pointers. Dick-Cow of course was selected by the Kings ahead of some guy named Carlos Boozer some years ago.

So, basically the game was about 100 times longer and half as satisfying as the deuce I dropped afterwards.

If the Kings lose to the Wolves on Friday I will never speak to you again…